In my boss’s office, while he was speaking to me about a media list and “thinking critically.” The thing is, he wasn’t even being mean or a dick about it. He was even-tempered and even-toned and generally pretty polite about the whole thing. And he wasn’t blaming me, he was just inquiring, and he even threw in “you’re doing a great job,” “I really appreciate that you do this…” and OMG before I knew it or could stop it, the waterworks started.
As I sat there on the couch in his office, I began biting my lip and tilting my head up and generally doing ANYTHING in my power to stop the tears. But alas, the fresh orbs of emotion fell and I sighed an audible “fuck” and he promptly offered me a tissue and asked “why are you crying? I’m complimenting you, I’m not getting angry.” Well, the thing is there were a number of reasons I was crying:
- Just the fact that I had to go to the proverbial principle’s office was bad enough, I was never a kid to get in trouble or sit in detention
- The fact that on numerous occasions my boss has told me that I “talk like a thirteen year old” because my voice tends to naturally go up at the end of sentences
- The fact that I am working so hard and I feel like I’m not able to live up to expectations and although I know I am past my 90 days and I have received my insurance card and have been reassured that I’m hired, I still feel that at any moment the rug can be lifted up from under me
- The fact that I got an email (not from my boss) containing edits on a press release that I wrote with a note: “Do you know how to properly use hypens? Please take a look at the [link] for a refresher course.” TO ME! ME. OF ALL PEOPLE!! YES, I KNOW HOW YOU USE HYPENS YOU INCONSIDERATE DOLT!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW TO USE TACT?! MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE A REFRESHER COURSE IN TALKING TO PEOPLE.
So eventually I stopped, however not before I sprang into another fit at the end of my little meeting, prompting my boss to awkwardly tell Family Guy jokes to try to get me to stop blubbering. GOOD GOD WHEN WILL THIS FUCKING DAY BE FUCKING OVER.